Massive generalisation, but: French are feline; Americans are Labradors. I'm American, and have lived abroad for nearly 20 years. I recognise my American brethren on the street by their cheery, earnest friendliness. Americans are corny, direct, open-hearted. Many European cultures produce people who are layered, labyrinthine, cool, inclined to leave things unspoken. Both have their charms and delights and much to teach. Thank you for your wonderful article!
I love this metaphor—feline vs. Labrador! And you’ve put it so beautifully: both have their charms and lessons. ‘Layered, labyrinthine, cool’ is such a perfect description of the French social code. Thank you for reading, Marianne!
Aww, reminds me of my year living in Paris after college. One thing I learned—and also loved—is how much the French adore witty banter and intellectualism one-upmanship as flirting. Not so much in the States.
Yes! That mix of sharp wit and subtle seduction is such a French signature. I love how you put it: “intellectualism one-upmanship as flirting.” It’s so true… and so very not American 😄 So glad this brought you back to your Paris days!
PS – I actually wrote more on this in an earlier piece, French Men vs. American Men. It goes a bit deeper into that intellectual side — especially how French men (Parisians in particular) can lean cerebral or guarded. There’s often a poetic mélancolie à la Baudelaire — le spleen — but sometimes it feels like you’re dating a philosophy student who forgot to ask how your day was 😅 Thought it might resonate if you haven’t seen it already!
Beautifully written, although it instantly made me feel stressed and frustrated - I suspect I might be too much of a dopamine-seeking missile for French romance!
Haha, this made me laugh—French romance probably would short-circuit a dopamine-seeking missile! But honestly, I think there’s room for both: the slow burn and the fireworks. It’s just a matter of matching sparks.
I enjoyed this read, and it's true in America, we have an all-or-nothing mentality. There is a sensualness to the art of slowing down and enjoying the moment. After living in Iceland and Italy I learn so many valuable things I hold on to while still living in America.
Thank you so much for sharing this, Stylicia. I love how you describe the sensuality of slowing down — that really resonates. It’s beautiful that your time in Iceland and Italy gave you rituals you still carry with you.
Love this Pamela. Flirting is an interesting human dance indeed. God I remember the angst of flirting for years, until I met my husband. And we are 12 years married next week and there is still the occasional flirting between us, when we relax from the craziness of life. Has to be done🥰 Love the website and will be referring to it for Paris visit planning 👍
Lucy, I adore this. Happy (almost) 12th anniversary! I love that there’s still a little playful flirting between you two — it should be done, as you said 🥰 And thank you for the kind words about the site, I’m so glad it’ll be helpful for your Paris plans. Let me know if you ever need a personal rec!
That means so much, Sam, thank you. I’ve been working on that too: letting a moment be just a moment, without clinging. It applies to flirting, but honestly, to life in general. It’s hard to start, but also kind of liberating once you get the hang of it!
Yes! It’s also quite lovely and weird to go through your memories and reminisce but know that the joy you felt then doesn’t have to have the same circumstances to come back
I think I'm probably way too autistic for French culture lol. I'll just continue to admire it from afar. But considering I often miss social cues even among the corny and obvious Americans, I'd be hopeless among more subtle people who don't show what they feel or say what they mean.
I totally get that—French social cues can feel like trying to crack a code sometimes. It really is its own little enigma! But I do think there’s something kind of lovely about the subtlety too… when you do catch the signal, it feels like a little secret message just for you.
This makes me want to put on black eyeliner and smoulder in a dark corner of a Parisian bar at any man with a slutty little moustache only to say "Hmmm" when he asks me a question.
Thank you Pamela for guiding on French flirting, it's an art I will never probably learn, even I had a Parisian boyfriend for a year and lived in a French aristocrats family for two (when studied in London).
What is still the biggest mystery to me - what makes French people to marry??🤔😅
Such a good question! From what I’ve seen, class—or what the French call milieu social—still plays a big role. Same religion and similar wealth within families are the most common. Anything outside that can still be considered a bit of an ‘odd pairing.’
What a I like about it is that women are just getting on with their projects essentially. Their life is important, their projects and the effect is this cool style of flirting. My style is completely the opposite even though I do focus on my life, work etc but I just can’t wait for people. I have to go get it as men need to fit into my timeline!
Yes, exactly! That’s what fascinates me too, it’s this self-prioritizing that ends up feeling magnetic. Your approach sounds like you don’t worry too much about pleasing others before yourself. That’s awesome!
Massive generalisation, but: French are feline; Americans are Labradors. I'm American, and have lived abroad for nearly 20 years. I recognise my American brethren on the street by their cheery, earnest friendliness. Americans are corny, direct, open-hearted. Many European cultures produce people who are layered, labyrinthine, cool, inclined to leave things unspoken. Both have their charms and delights and much to teach. Thank you for your wonderful article!
I love this metaphor—feline vs. Labrador! And you’ve put it so beautifully: both have their charms and lessons. ‘Layered, labyrinthine, cool’ is such a perfect description of the French social code. Thank you for reading, Marianne!
Wow - "cheery, earnest friendliness" nailed it.
Aww, reminds me of my year living in Paris after college. One thing I learned—and also loved—is how much the French adore witty banter and intellectualism one-upmanship as flirting. Not so much in the States.
Yes! That mix of sharp wit and subtle seduction is such a French signature. I love how you put it: “intellectualism one-upmanship as flirting.” It’s so true… and so very not American 😄 So glad this brought you back to your Paris days!
PS – I actually wrote more on this in an earlier piece, French Men vs. American Men. It goes a bit deeper into that intellectual side — especially how French men (Parisians in particular) can lean cerebral or guarded. There’s often a poetic mélancolie à la Baudelaire — le spleen — but sometimes it feels like you’re dating a philosophy student who forgot to ask how your day was 😅 Thought it might resonate if you haven’t seen it already!
Beautifully written, although it instantly made me feel stressed and frustrated - I suspect I might be too much of a dopamine-seeking missile for French romance!
Haha, this made me laugh—French romance probably would short-circuit a dopamine-seeking missile! But honestly, I think there’s room for both: the slow burn and the fireworks. It’s just a matter of matching sparks.
Wonderful; I remain optimistic I can be an enigmatic petrol bomb!
I enjoyed this read, and it's true in America, we have an all-or-nothing mentality. There is a sensualness to the art of slowing down and enjoying the moment. After living in Iceland and Italy I learn so many valuable things I hold on to while still living in America.
Thank you so much for sharing this, Stylicia. I love how you describe the sensuality of slowing down — that really resonates. It’s beautiful that your time in Iceland and Italy gave you rituals you still carry with you.
I adore this! This is so lovely and a permission slip to be adored without any heavy consequences. XO
Thank you, Ekaterina! That’s exactly what I was hoping to convey, a kind of lightness and delight without the weight of expectation.
Flirtation is the spice of life. At any age, in any relationship context. Your analysis was a lovely read, Pamela!
Thank you, Caroline! I love the way you put that, flirtation as the spice of life truly does hold up at any age 💛
Love this Pamela. Flirting is an interesting human dance indeed. God I remember the angst of flirting for years, until I met my husband. And we are 12 years married next week and there is still the occasional flirting between us, when we relax from the craziness of life. Has to be done🥰 Love the website and will be referring to it for Paris visit planning 👍
Lucy, I adore this. Happy (almost) 12th anniversary! I love that there’s still a little playful flirting between you two — it should be done, as you said 🥰 And thank you for the kind words about the site, I’m so glad it’ll be helpful for your Paris plans. Let me know if you ever need a personal rec!
Let a moment be a moment 🌷I’ve been exploring my own tendency to cling and I found this article so profound :)
That means so much, Sam, thank you. I’ve been working on that too: letting a moment be just a moment, without clinging. It applies to flirting, but honestly, to life in general. It’s hard to start, but also kind of liberating once you get the hang of it!
Yes! It’s also quite lovely and weird to go through your memories and reminisce but know that the joy you felt then doesn’t have to have the same circumstances to come back
Yes, exactly — it’s lovely when joy returns in a completely new form.
I think I'm probably way too autistic for French culture lol. I'll just continue to admire it from afar. But considering I often miss social cues even among the corny and obvious Americans, I'd be hopeless among more subtle people who don't show what they feel or say what they mean.
I totally get that—French social cues can feel like trying to crack a code sometimes. It really is its own little enigma! But I do think there’s something kind of lovely about the subtlety too… when you do catch the signal, it feels like a little secret message just for you.
Thank you for this beautiful piece, Pamela! I recognized so much of it, from the year I spent in Paris. It sure was a learning process ...
Thank you, Anette! I love hearing that, there’s definitely a learning curve. I’m sure you’ve got some great stories from that year in Paris.
Just the most enjoyable read. I love your posts. Thanks for sharing!
So glad you enjoyed this one, Christina! Always happy to have you reading along 💛
I love your voice:)
Thank you, Drew! That really means a lot!
This makes me want to put on black eyeliner and smoulder in a dark corner of a Parisian bar at any man with a slutty little moustache only to say "Hmmm" when he asks me a question.
This is perfection. I can see the scene so clearly. Paris really does invite that kind of playful mystery. ✨
Thank you Pamela for guiding on French flirting, it's an art I will never probably learn, even I had a Parisian boyfriend for a year and lived in a French aristocrats family for two (when studied in London).
What is still the biggest mystery to me - what makes French people to marry??🤔😅
Such a good question! From what I’ve seen, class—or what the French call milieu social—still plays a big role. Same religion and similar wealth within families are the most common. Anything outside that can still be considered a bit of an ‘odd pairing.’
What a I like about it is that women are just getting on with their projects essentially. Their life is important, their projects and the effect is this cool style of flirting. My style is completely the opposite even though I do focus on my life, work etc but I just can’t wait for people. I have to go get it as men need to fit into my timeline!
Yes, exactly! That’s what fascinates me too, it’s this self-prioritizing that ends up feeling magnetic. Your approach sounds like you don’t worry too much about pleasing others before yourself. That’s awesome!
moves to france
Fully support this decision. Just be prepared for existential café chats, side-eye seduction, and an espresso that lasts 3 hours.
oh please sign me up!!!