No Bridesmaids, No Vows, and the Party Lasts ‘Til Dawn

What still surprises me about French weddings—even after getting married here myself.

My husband and I just celebrated seven years since our mariage civil—the quick city hall ceremony that every couple in France must do, regardless of what kind of wedding they’re planning. We signed papers, posed for a photo on the mairie steps, and had a little lunch with family. Six weeks later came the big wedding: the church, the speeches, the dancing until 5 a.m.

Golden hour at our wedding, just before dinner.

And yet, even after attending a dozen others—and planning my own—I still find myself surprised by French weddings. Or maybe it’s more accurate to say I’m surprised by how un-American they are. The tone, the pacing, the symbolism (or lack thereof)—it all feels refreshingly low-drama, and somehow also more formal.

For starters: no bridesmaids. No groomsmen either. You pick two témoins each, and they sign the mairie paperwork and maybe say a few words at dinner. That’s it. No matching satin dresses or dramatic processions. It’s not that close friends aren’t involved—they just aren’t expected to perform. I’ve come to appreciate that. In France, friendship doesn’t require a uniform.

There’s also no rehearsal dinner. The night before is usually a quiet meal with close family or whoever happens to be around. No toasts, no speeches, no PowerPoint slides with baby pictures. The real speeches come later, and they tend to be casual, personal, and sprinkled throughout dinner. There might be jokes. There might be a poem. Someone might bring out a slideshow. If you’re not at least a little embarrassed by your témoins, did you even get married?

French weddings are less emotional at the altar, too. Vows aren’t really a thing. You won’t find a couple crying through handwritten declarations in front of 150 guests. In the church, you say what the priest tells you to say. At the mairie, a city employee reads the civil code aloud. It's efficient. Binding. And no one brings tissues.

Every couple in France must marry at the mairie—it's the only legally binding part of the ceremony

But don’t mistake that restraint for coldness. The party is where the emotion comes in. There’s champagne, oysters, petits fours—and when the dance floor opens (around midnight), it doesn’t close until sunrise. One of my favorite details: the dress you wear to the church is the same one you’ll be dancing in at 4 a.m. French bridal fashion understands the assignment: light, breathable, chic. You might change your shoes. That’s about it.

There’s also this very French mix of inclusion and boundaries. Guests might be invited just to the cocktail hour (le vin d’honneur) and not dinner. It’s not rude—it’s pragmatic. Sometimes the mayor stops by. Or your third cousin. You make a toast, sip champagne in the garden, and slip away before the real dinner begins. No hard feelings. No seating chart stress.

Though if you do stay for dinner, le plan de table is usually a masterpiece of social engineering. Guests are seated not by family, but by affinity: the sporty table, the theater table, the table where everyone works in wine. It’s not unusual to be seated next to someone you’ve never met, but who shares your exact sense of humor and half your friend group. By dessert, you’ve exchanged numbers. By the dance floor, you're in a conga line together.

It’s easy to romanticize all of this—and to be honest, I kind of do. But I also recognize that it reflects something deeper about French social codes: formality where it matters, and freedom where it doesn’t. Rules that are rarely stated but almost always followed. A sense that weddings aren’t about performing closeness, but about honoring it—quietly, with good food, coordinated outfits, and a party that never ends too early.

There are so many ways to celebrate love around the world. If you’re from a different culture, I’d love to hear—what’s one wedding tradition from where you’re from that you truly love? And if you’ve been to a French wedding, what surprised you most?

P.S. If you’ve got a French wedding on the calendar and no idea what to wear, I rounded up some of my favorite Parisian-style wedding guest outfits if you need inspiration.