French Men vs. American Men: What It’s Really Like to Date in France

And is the French lover a myth or a reality?

If you’ve ever flirted with a French man, in Paris or abroad, you probably already have your own opinion. Maybe you even got a French kiss out of it. But how do French men really stack up to American men when it comes to dating, relationships, and romance? Let’s compare notes.

So grab a coffee, a tea, or a glass of wine and let’s dive in.

Disclaimer: this is for fun, and by no means a researched post — other than my single years living in NYC, LA, Honolulu, and Paris. I’ve never watched Emily in Paris and never finished Sex and the City (I know, I know), so this is all based on personal experience and opinions. Not to be taken as universally true.

1. Physically

French men look fit. American men look buff.

Even though the French academic system pushes sports less than in the U.S., French guys tend to grow up doing outdoorsy things on their own time: tennis, rugby, swimming, rock climbing, sailing, cycling, skiing. Most don’t “hit the gym” like Americans do. In fact, until recently, gyms weren’t even that common in smaller French towns. But swimming on your lunch break or going on a two-hour bike ride with friends on Sunday? Très normal.

Most of my French boyfriends have had at least one sport they loved and kept into adulthood. It’s also often how they stay connected to childhood friends.

American men? Many were part of a team in high school or college, but once they graduate, their focus shifts to work. Working out becomes about the gym, lifting weights, tracking protein, and perfecting those biceps.

Personally, I’m more into fit than buff.

Winner: France
Score: France 1 – USA 0

Bonus: French men are refreshingly low-maintenance. No protein powders, no calorie-counting apps. Just a post-bike beer and steak-frites, merci.

2. Chivalry (But Make It Practical)

French men might open doors and insist on paying the bill. But American men? They’ll carry your groceries, fix your IKEA shelf, or take care of a dead mouse in your closet (true story). Practical chivalry — no flair, but very useful.

My French husband would now step in for mouse duty, but not without teasing me first.

Winner: USA
Score: France 1 – USA 1

3. Seduction & Flirting

French men know how to flirt — and seduce — with finesse. They’ll approach you with confidence, make you feel like the only woman in the room, and keep just enough distance to keep you curious. Being draguée in France comes with a certain rhythm and charm.

American men are more direct. If they like you, you’ll know it in the first 30 seconds. “You’re pretty. Can I buy you a drink?” It’s not unpleasant — just literal.

My first kiss ever was on a basketball court in Santa Monica. I had a huge crush on the boy, but the kiss was stiff (no pun intended). A French kiss — yes, they really do call it un bisou avec la langue — is a whole other experience. Think Jane & Serge, the flirtation, the flair, the effortless cool.

Jane & Serge, caught mid-kiss. French seduction, summed up in one smile. Photo by Tony Frank, Normandie, 1969

Also? In France, flirting doesn’t necessarily mean someone’s trying to get you in bed. It’s part of the social dance. A compliment doesn’t have to go anywhere. That, to me, is nice.

Winner: France
Score: France 2 – USA 1

4. Conversation & Supportiveness

This one might be surprising, but I’ve found American men are better conversationalists. They’re more emotionally articulate, ask good questions, and don’t shy away from a little vulnerability.

French men, especially Parisians, can lean cerebral or guarded. There’s often a poetic mélancolie à la Baudelaire aka Le Spleen — but sometimes it feels like you’re dating a philosophy student who forgot to ask how your day was.

On the flip side, American men are often great cheerleaders. If you’re launching a project, changing jobs, or training for something, they’re your hype squad. French men might admire you deeply — they’re just more likely to cheer you on after the fact.

Winner: USA
Score: France 2 – USA 2

5. Dating

If a French man likes you, he’ll pursue you. Thoughtfully. He’ll suggest a restaurant he thinks you’ll love. He’ll invite you to that exhibit he mentioned. You’ll get charming texts, spontaneous invitations, and early access to his circle of friends. Even if they’re just grabbing beers — you’ll be included.

I’ve spent evenings with a love interest’s entire friend group within days of meeting. And in France, “dating” isn’t really a thing. You’re just together — “on est ensemble”.

American men? More pragmatic. I often felt like I was being “presented” — brought to their usual place with a chance of bumping into someone they knew. Inclusion? That usually came later.

Winner: France
Score: France 3 – USA 2

6. How Fast Things Move

Things move fast in France. After one or two great dates, you might be spending every day together without anyone finding that odd. A friend of mine met her now-partner just weeks before the first Covid lockdown. They moved in together for the entire duration.

There’s also no “define the relationship” talk. Exclusivity is assumed if you’re seeing each other regularly.

Depending on your personality, that can feel romantic or overwhelming. In the U.S., taking your time doesn’t have to mean a lack of interest — just taking it slow and getting to know each other.

Winner: USA
Score: France 3 – USA 3

7. Relationship Talk (or Lack Thereof)

American men tend to be more direct about what they want and how they feel. They’re used to talking about “the relationship,” having honest discussions, and checking in emotionally.

French men? You’ll know where you stand based on actions — not words. They’ll show up. They’ll call. But don’t expect a heart-to-heart about future plans.

There’s clarity in the American approach, and I think that counts for something.

Winner: USA
Score: France 3 – USA 4

8. Emotional Availability

French men aren’t always known for their transparency. There’s brooding. Silence. You’ll often have to guess how they feel.

American men — especially emotionally evolved ones — are often clearer. They’ll say “I miss you,” or ask how you’re really doing.

Not always poetic, but refreshingly honest.

Winner: USA
Score: France 3 – USA 5

9. Marriage Material

French men tend to admire women. Many were raised by working mothers and expect their partner to have a life of her own. They’re generally more open to shared responsibilities — even if picking up their socks is still a work in progress (another newsletter altogether).

American men are often very supportive too, but I’ve found French men more comfortable with partnerships where roles aren’t rigidly defined.

Winner: France
Score: France 4 – USA 5

10. The French Lover

Without getting too graphic, French men tend to be more attentive, less structured, and more curious. There’s more exploration, less predictability. An unexpected pause, a long look, a kiss that changes midstream. There’s a sense of play.

American men can be thoughtful and generous — but there’s often a rhythm, a checklist. Kiss. Undress. Done.

Winner: France
Final Score: France 5 – USA 5

Final Scorecard

France 5 – USA 5

A tie! Which feels just right. Because romance isn’t a scoreboard, it’s a story. And everyone brings something different to the table (or the bedroom).

A draw or a reason to keep your options (and passport) open?

À très vite,
Pamela